If a lady asks you to give up your seat then just give it up for goodness's sake

Actually if a man asks too then give it up.

A favorite genre of Reddit post is for people to ask readers “AITA,” or “Am I the Asshole?” In these vignettes the writer will relay to readers some incident in which he’s unsure if he was in the wrong, inviting the readers to make that judgment call for him, hence the rubric. Who knows if any of it’s even real but it’s all mostly plausible so it works.

Here’s a recent one that was so popular that it generated headlines at major news outlets around the world:

So I travelled home today from Greece. The flight was roughly 10 hours and around this time of year it’s extremely hectic. I booked my ticket specifically to be closer to the front of the plane so I can be closer to the gate when it’s time to get out. I personally hate traveling so I spent a bit more money to be closer.

When I got on the plane, a family of four approached me and asked if I could switch spots. Normally I’d be okay with that but switching spots would mean moving back 20 rows down which leaves me at an inconvenience and I would not be getting my moneys worth. I rejected and said that I would like to keep my seat. The woman said that I was being an asshole and I should just give up my seat so she could sit with her husband and kids (ouch right in front of her kids too). I said,” respectfully ma’am, your travel issues are not my problem. I am keeping the seat I paid for. “

She ended up making a scene and basically said “wow look at this asshole who can’t even move seats so a family could sit all together.”

Now, I’ll let you in on a little secret: This fellow was indeed the asshole. But before we get to that it’s worth pointing out that pretty much everybody who responded to this writer assured him that his response was totally reasonable and not asshole-ish at all. That’s somewhat surprising. Redditors are often among the most cynical and unremitting denizens of the Internet and they’re usually pretty good at identifying and mercilessly criticizing stupid behavior like this. Not this time, apparently.

To be sure, the mother’s angry response to this fellow was not admirable. But aside from that, yes, the guy should have given up his seat. Why? Because he just should have. That’s it. If someone—especially a woman but even a man—asks you for your seat on mass transit and they have a pretty decent reason why they want it, just give it to them. I’ve got news for you: A mother wanting to sit with her family is a pretty decent reason. In fact, it’s a great reason.

There is something rather strikingly pathetic about a grown man complaining that, if he gives up his seat to a mother so she can sit next to her kids, he “would not be getting [his] money’s worth.” Buddy, here’s a word of advice that sounds like a cliché but is actually 100% practical: Grow up. Seriously, act your age. Stop comporting yourself like a 17-year-old who’s desperate to cling to every crumpled, greasy dollar bill in his Dorito-dusted fist. A mother wants to sit next to her kids. Grow the F up.

A number of responders pointed out that the mother in question could have paid extra to arrange a seat next to her kids and that she shouldn’t have asked the writer to pick up the slack for her own failure to do so. Well, hell, I don’t know: Maybe she wanted to but the family had some sort of unforeseen financial crisis and just couldn’t afford the extra fee. Maybe she went to do it but one of her kids upchucked on her and she had to deal with that so she just clicked “buy tickets” without reserving the specific seat. Maybe there’s a million reasons why it happened and she’s just too embarrassed to reveal them in public around a bunch of other passengers. Who knows. Don’t even worry about it, just give your seat up.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at just how awful people can often be, but I must say I am shocked at the petty, pathetic, childish responses to this fellow’s infantile narrative:

A woman asked me to swap [my window seat] so she and her kid can sit together. Kid was around 7yo and it was a 2-hr flight. … I told her we could swap seats if she would reimburse me for what I paid. She refused to. And so I refused to swap.

I think the family bought the cheaper seat on purpose to save money, believing they could bully the other person into giving up their seat.

You paid for your seat and have every right to sit there.

There’s always a poor planning, entitled family who failed to get tickets together who probably rarely travel so they don’t understand how to handle a flight correctly.

You paid extra for the seat you had. It was your damn seat.

These responses are just so wretched and loathsome that you almost have to giggle while reading them. One of the great bipartite character flaws that pervades a sizable majority of the population is this: An extreme, greedy jealousy of one’s own resources and holdings coupled with an intense, beady-eyed, hostile presumption that everyone else is trying to screw you out of those things. People cultivate and indulge these antisocial feelings all the time and that’s what you’re seeing here. Yes, when you pay for a seat it’s yours and nobody else has a right to it. So what? If someone asks you for it just give it up. It’s fine.

A good practical principle to follow when considering what to do in these situations is this: “Am I going to care about this 24 hours from now?” If you have to “move back 20 rows down” and spend some extra time getting off the plane, are you going to be sweating it the next day? If you’re a high-functioning, well-adjusted adult, the answer in this case is going to be “no.” Actually that’s the answer in most cases. Follow that rule in most scenarios and I promise you you’ll drastically cut down on the number of times you’re an asshole.

You can really only justify this guy’s behavior—and the countless sniveling affirmations in response to him—if you believe “I paid for it and I want it” is one of the paramount principles by which you should live your life and inform your interactions with other human beings. But it’s not. There are a great many other far more important tenets which you should follow first: Generosity, kindness, understanding, trust, compassion, patience, mercy, friendliness. Refer to these first and foremost and I promise you, you will make the world a better place practically overnight. And I can assure you that you’ll never be the asshole.